Sex column: blowjobs

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By Carrie Brizshaw, The Croft's Sex Columnist


The Croft Magazine // Carrie Brizshaw, The Croft's resident sex columnist, shares her thoughts on blowjobs.

For a long time, I hated giving blowjobs, they just weren’t my cup of tea. Then I met the one. No, not the love of my life, but the perfect penis for me. It was just so clean. Once in your life, you will get the penis of your dreams and it will change everything. I used to think that penises were gross but now I can’t wait to get my lips around one.

Epigram / Orin Carlin

And the balls. If you need to know one thing about me, it’s that I love balls. There is so much you can do with them: juggle, suck, kiss, lick and the list is endless. I guess it’s quite daunting, if you’ve never given a blowjob, to touch the balls simultaneously but trust me it’s worth your while. Be careful though! Balls tend to be very sensitive so a light squeeze and suck should do it. Since, I don’t particularly enjoy deep-throating, I find ball play to be the perfect substitute.

It’s not that I don’t deep-throat, it just doesn’t need to be the main act. For me, it’s more of a supporting character that I bring back now and again, especially since my gag reflex is less than impressive. My friend told me once that her ex had a below-average-sized penis so she would pretend to choke on it to make him feel better. Sure, it’s not for everyone but a little enthusiasm seems to go a long way!

This article would not be complete without mentioning the ‘Gluck Gluck 9000’, a term coined by sex podcast host, Alex Cooper.

If you’ve ever felt an unquenchable thirst for water, then this concept should be simple. The penis is water and you just can’t get enough of it. It should be sloppy, loud and smacking to unlock level 9000. God gave you hands for a reason so put them to good use and slide them up and down his shaft. I put my own spin on it by sucking my partner’s balls while doing a double-hand twist on his shaft. Of course, I make sure that he is properly lubed up with spit before I pull that move. There’s no need to give a man a Chinese burn. The main thing to remember is to enjoy yourself and be confident. Your partner, if he is decent, will want you to experience pleasure too.

So use that Gluck Gluck energy and blow him like there is no tomorrow.


Carrie's fellatio menu:

Sloppy Toppy Special

One thing on the menu should be the tip of the penis. It is one of the most sensitive areas of the penis, so use your tongue and go crazy. I recommend doing circles with your tongue on the tip.

Epigram / Orin Carlin 

Tits and Lube dessert

Unsplash / Charles Deluvio

A beautiful combination, and one of my favourites. Cover your boobs with lube and use the tip of his dick to shape circles or figure-of-eights around your boobs.

Featured Image: Artwork / Lizzie Burgess


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