By Leah Martindale, Film & TV Editor
The Croft Magazine // Is everyone really doing the workouts and beginning the projects they say they are on instagram? A look into a day in the life of the isolated student exposes the unfiltered truth of staying at home
With many of us self-isolating for the foreseeable future to avoid the Virus Who Shall Not Be Named, it can be hard to keep your days productive and fulfilling. I, personally, have been experimenting in pushing the human body’s capacities for calorific intake and extended periods of sleep: in a ground-breaking feat of human strength and Rich-Tea-biscuit-tea-dunkability. Therefore I have made the decision, in the best interests of the public, to publish my Daily COVID Diary, to inspire those of you with less self-control or ability.
8am: Wake up. Consider the global environmental ramifications of reduced tourist interaction for five minutes. Look at memes for approximately an hour. Back to sleep.
12pm: Arise from my bed at the prompting of my grumbling stomach. Change out of my night-time pyjamas into my day-time pyjamas for some semblance of structure. Waddle into the kitchen and prepare my first - of many - cup of tea.
1pm: Have my first meal of the day. Assure myself that this is technically breakfast, though made of lunch components, and so should be followed by at least two meals. Due to the virus’ flu-like symptoms, I consider the necessity to stock up on food in my body now in case I do get it, in a bear-like pre-hibernation feast.
2pm: Stare out of my window and judge people walking around. Feel a well-earned sense of superiority that I am doing my bit by staying inside. Get tea and biscuits to accompany judgement staring.
3pm: Open my essay Word document. Change font size from 11 to 12, stare at it for approximately half an hour, and change it back to 11. Treat myself with a late lunch - academic work is tiring stuff.
4pm: Try a stair-based fat-busting exercise I saw on an Instagram Influencer’s page. This will surely not be hard, as it only involves light jogging and high-knees on my very own staircase. I walk upstairs every day... this can’t be difficult?
5pm: Continue the hour-long recovery from my foray into the world of Fitness Freakos. Lift my withered muscles long enough to put some sausage rolls and chips into the oven. The dinner of kings - well-deserved.
6pm: Consider watching something new from my Netflix watch list. Through some bizarre twist of fate, reload Twilight (2008) - full series on Netflix, you’re welcome - and watch it, muttering along the entire script.
7pm: Reject a friend’s FaceTime under the illusion that you are busy doing university work - it’s the baseball scene, and, after all, I am only human. Consider actually doing some work. Remember the font change shenanigans of 3pm, and shame myself for ever doubting my productivity.
8pm: Wipe away tears and stop catagorising my friends into Vampire, Werewolf, or Towns-Person - the three categories all humans fit into. It’s time to reward myself for a day of cultural exploration and intellectual pursuits. That’s right - it’s second-dinner o’clock.
9pm: Download TikTok. Vow to not become as obsessed with this as I did with Vine...
12am: Blink for the first time since downloading TikTok. Look up to a shockingly darker room than it was when I looked down. Text a friend - reaching out is pivotal at times like these. Have a midnight snack, stumble back to bed, and prepare myself for another intellectually and physically trying day tomorrow.
Featured: Epigram / Hendrike Rahtz
Find The Croft Magazine inside every copy of Epigram Newspaper