By Carrie Brizshaw, The Croft's Sex Columnist
The Croft Magazine // Secrets are sexy. They are also not particularly conducive to healthy connections. So how can we emulate the intrigue of having a secret without the damaging side effects? Introducing…roleplay! Creating a character for yourself is the perfect way to invent a second personality without inflicting any real-life harm.
Many people find the concept of introducing a fantasy world scary, so here are some basic steps to help you gently dip your toes into the practice:
Define your fantasies first
It’s hard to communicate your desires to a partner when you don’t know them yourself. Have a think about what really turns you on. Is there a specific show you watched or book you read that transported you into a sexual fantasy? Figure this out for yourself so that you can describe it clearly to a partner (although it is also fun to figure it out together and have your fantasies merge). Also remember that roleplay isn’t exclusive to partnered sexual activity, letting your mind wander in solo play is also super sexy.
Watch a film or TV show together
Struggle to find a fantasy or speak about what you want openly a with a partner? Try watching a transporting TV show or film that carries you to a sexy fantasy land. Something like the TV shows Vikings and Bridgerton, or the film Troy is perfect to take your brain to a faraway place. You don’t have to pretend to be a specific character but putting yourself in the mindset of someone from Ancient Greece is seriously hot.
Start in public
If you’re too nervous to go for a full on in-person fantasy scene, starting in public with a relatively normal scenario can take some of the pressure off. Pretend to pick your partner up in bar or vice versa. Another great form of roleplay is to redo your first date. How did you feel? Where did you go? The butterflies of a first date turn a lot of people on.
Dress up
Although dress up might seem intimidating, it can gently introduce a roleplay scenario without too much pressure. This can start in one of two ways, maybe you attend a dress-up party together and decide to take it further, role-playing as your characters. This is a very organic way to enact your fantasies. Alternatively, slowly introduce costumes to your sex life, for example a tie to introduce a power dynamic (and maybe some BDSM at the same time…?).
Don’t take yourself too seriously
Remember, sex is meant to be fun and not serious. If you break character that is more than okay. Roleplays don’t only work if you are super stern and intense the whole time. Go with the flow and let the roleplay guide you, not inhibit you. If you enjoy the above, you might be ready for a full-on Leia-Jabba re-enactment.
Pillow Talk Sex Column: House of mirrors
Pillow Talk Sex Column: Intimacy
Still stuck?
Here are a few roleplays to get you into the mood:
- Your ‘first time’
- Erotic massage therapist and customer
- Romeo & Juliet star-crossed forbidden lovers
Featured Image: The Croft
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