The University of Bristol have today (1st April) announced that the 'unweildy' Wills Memorial Building is to be demolished to make way for a more 'egalitarian' construction, celebrating the best of Bristol student life.
A giant effigy of the Vice-Chancellor, Hugh Brady, is to be constructed in place of the Gothic masterpiece, whose pieces will be placed in the 'Museum of a Bygone Era' next door. It is thought the statue will be built out of solid marble and painted to represent the 'real life' image of the VC.
An artist's impression of the new design
The new construction is to be part of the 'Campus Heart' project, manager Jane Planner told Epigram: 'it's called the campus heart, so we wanted to build something we knew would be close to students' hearts'
'We at the University are brilliant at gauging student opinion, and know and there is no figure at the University more loved or well respected than Professor Brady himself'
The marble construction will likely set the University of Bristol back a good £1billion, however Planner was keen to disseminate any talk of excess.
'The cost will be made up through donations from our generous alumni and our investments in various companies across the globe ... student support services will hopefully not be affected!'.
Epigram believes that a plaque underneath the statue will read: 'Hugh Brady: scientist, pioneer, hero'. The debate over whether to rename the Wills Memorial will also ground to a halt owing to it no longer existing.
It is also thought that the University will waive its rule to not name buildings after current students or staff member in this 'special case'. The 'Hugh Brady Celebration Building' will house the Law department and senior management, with Brady's office window being one of his own eyes.
One student said: 'it all seems a bit over the top', however another said 'it is only fitting to have a proper tribute to our grand leader'.
Editor's note: If you are reading this article after April 1st, please take a note of the date before trusting it as a reliable source of information.