By Maya Cavale, Second Year, Philosophy
Now we’ve reached the end of another year, I’m sure most of us can look back on our past ‘September-selves’ and appreciate how much we’ve changed. It seems our elders may actually have a point when they say (for the hundredth time…) that these years are vital for shaping our sense of self. Uni is one of the only places I’ve felt that most of my interactions and experiences have pushed me to strengthen my interests and views. But beware! A danger lurks below the sparkling surface of our vast sea of opinions...
In typical Bristol Student style, I love a passionate conversation about even the most trivial subjects. Sharing my beliefs with likeminded people is definitely appealing, but the challenge of defending myself against someone with an opposing view is much more tempting – dare I say, irresistible. But I’ve found that a light-hearted chat can quickly spiral into something way more destructive. Our opinions quickly become interchangeable with our identity, with their ‘rightness’ or ‘wrongness’ determining our self-worth. Instead of disagreements just being an exchange of ideas, they are competitions to win. We have to battle it out until one of us triumphs over the other. So, these supposedly fun conversations constantly leave us either validated or rejected.
‘Somewhere in life, we seem to have been taught that we have to fight for our opinion, to prove that it conquers all and only then are we worthy of approval.’
The other day, I was sitting in the kitchen with my housemates, discussing the best song ever made. Naturally, some people’s favourites were not only missing from others’ Spotify Wrapped, but were actively hated! Even though we weren’t trying to decide on one ultimate best song, we were still debating as if we had to choose a winner. Some of the songs thrown into the ring included ones by Pink Floyd, Kendrick Lamar, Olivia Dean, Oasis, Frank Ocean, Radiohead, Harry Styles and a few others.
Slowly, our conversation creeped from a fun game to something more heated and emotionally-charged. With such a personal topic, criticism of our choices quickly turned into what felt like rejection of our whole personalities (or at least our whole carefully cultivated playlists).
‘No way, you’re wrong!’ ‘This one’s wayyy better.’ ‘How could you even think that?’
Comments like these were thrown around and let us bestow an illusion of factual importance upon our opinions. Instead of just being beliefs, our views were now either true or false and (maybe partly fuelled by resentment over unwashed dishes) loving housemates turned on each other, fighting to determine who was clever or stupid for holding them. The conversation wasn’t about what song we preferred anymore, but rather which one it was more rational to advocate for. Our opinions became pretty much identical with our egos, so their rejection or acceptance was a massive deal and much more was at stake.
This might be a familiar feeling to you, maybe arising from seminars, drinking at parties or awkward conversations with out-of-touch relatives. It’s hard not to take an opposing view as a threat to our integrity, especially when our rival is someone we want to have a good opinion of us. We all want to be understood and this seems to drive our passion to prove ourselves. Somewhere in life, we seem to have been taught that we have to fight for our opinion, to prove that it conquers all and only then are we worthy of approval.
James Sinclair
Surely attaching our opinion to our sense of selves can’t be all bad though? To be fair, the passion it ignites in us definitely leads us to be more careful when forming our ideas, using evidence and considering alternatives when constructing them. But the problem is, the more effort we put into forming opinions, the more value we attach to them and so, the harder it is to not turn discourse into discord. It’s really hard to strike a balance between having reasons behind our opinions and feeling like they’re so clearly the only logical ones to hold.
This change in the way we disagree really easily leads to polarisation about things which should be looked at with a lot more nuance. This thing is either better or worse than that one – it’s completely black and white. You’re only allowed to like one or the other and have to pick a side. We’re not offered the option to form our opinions simply because we like it and it resonates the most with us. Even outside of a crowded library or lecture hall, we need to have reasoning, facts and arguments supporting our views on anything and everything. We’re in an inescapable crusade to defend ourselves and if our opinions are vanquished, our identities fall with them.
Featured image: Epigram / Tim Harris
Is university growing your ego?
