Sex column: tinder hookups

By Carrie Brizshaw, The Croft's Sex Columnist

The Croft Magazine // Carrie Brizshaw, The Croft's Sex Columnist gives her two pence on Tinder hookups.

As if COVID-19 hadn’t fucked us all over enough, it’s stopped us from getting fucked too. No more clubs or house parties to hunt for casual hookups. But where there’s a will, there’s a way! Tinder hookups are the new way forward. Before COVID-19 took over the world, some of my friends would rather die than download a dating app. But with a lockdown dry spell, they have begrudgingly downloaded Tinder. I personally don’t understand the stigma surrounding apps such as Tinder since I have had many great hookups on the app.

Sometimes, you just NEED to have sex. Immediately. Having always been about instant gratification, Tinder is the perfect solution. I had a date cancel on me once very last-minute stating he ‘had corona symptoms’, which I’m sure is going to be the new get out of jail free card for dates now. What I had planned for the evening was really a hookup veiled as a date to add an air of romance to the evening. And so, I was left feeling very much in the mood for sex. I had no other option but to turn to Tinder to save my night. Rather than spend the night with Gina (my vibrator), I spent it with a boy who was more than happy to perform her functions. He even offered to buy me a bigger replacement for Gina!

Although not all hookups are plain sailing. Sometimes, they really pull a number on you when they turn up. Either they’ve catfished you or end up being a disappointing shag. My friend recently went all the way to Wales for a hookup only to discover he had no bedroom skills whatsoever. There’s nothing worse than travelling to meet a stranger for a bad hookup. She even had to dip into her emergency supply of K to get her through the night. On the bright side, it was an all-expenses paid trip but that is time she will never get back.

Having never really given other dating apps such as Bumble or Hinge much of a chance, this article does sound like it’s been sponsored by Tinder but it hasn’t. I promise! I did download Hinge once but only for one day. As a self-proclaimed lazy person, I personally found setting up and updating my profile took too much energy from me.

But in times like this, if I was single these apps would be a staple feature on my phone.

Top Tips:

Don’t forget to use protection. Someone once told me she unknowingly gave a Tinder hookup chlamydia as they didn’t use protection. To make matters worse, it was his first time.

Tell someone where you're going! Whilst on dating apps, don’t forget some people can be psychopathic murderers. Make sure you tell someone who you are meeting and where. Don’t meet at dodgy locations!

Feature Image: Lizzie Burgess

Do you use dating apps?