Scarily bad films to avoid this Halloween

Halloween is always accompanied by scary cinema releases, but  our writers pick some frightfully bad films to celebrate the spooky season.

Avengers: Endgame (2019) dir. Anthony Russo & Joe Russo

Siavash Minoukadeh, Entertainment Sub-Editor

Avengers: Endgame could be a great film. With all the money and star power thrown at it you would hope that it would be a great film. I wouldn’t know, I haven’t seen it and I don’t plan on doing so any time soon.

So why do I think this film is scarily bad despite not having seen it? Frankly, Avengers: Endgame is the cinematic equivalent of a payday lender. Over the course of 22 films, Marvel constructed an elaborate, overwrought plot arc, with new characters and plot points being thrown into the mix in a desperate attempt to keep this franchise alive on life support for as long as possible. And once you’re 21 films in, you’re so indebted to Marvel that you will watch the final film.

It may be a delirious hyper-capitalist fever dream but the need to wrap the story that you’ve invested so much time and money into becomes an overpowering urge. Avengers: Endgame is an immoral film. It exploits its audience, knowing that they’ll go and see it regardless of how bad it may be.

When so many talented young filmmakers are struggling to be noticed by audiences, making a film that can cockily take its mass audience for granted feels scarily sad. The film’s budget of $356m is an abhorrent way of investing in cinema.

When so many talented young filmmakers are struggling to be noticed by audiences, making a film that can cockily take its mass audience for granted feels scarily sad

That amount of money is enough to fund the production of Lady Bird (2017) 35 times over. Why on earth anyone would prefer to spend that much money on a single bloated behemoth of a film is beyond me. Imagine how many new, original films you could have made instead. That’s the really scary thing about Avengers: Endgame.

The Room (2003) dir. Tommy Wiseau

by Ellie Brown, News Sub-Editor

The Room is a film so terrible it must be seen to be believed. Released in 2003, this ‘Citizen Kane of bad movies’ tells the story of a man named Johnny who is betrayed by his fiancé Lisa and best friend Mark. The idea doesn’t seem great, but believe me the execution is much worse.

This is mainly due to the woeful script, featuring classic lines such as ‘oh hi Mark’ and ‘don’t worry about it’ which is said approximately every ten minutes. You begin to worry about the writer when characters say things like ‘so anyway, how’s your sex life?’ and ‘you are tearing me apart Lisa!’.

But the dreadful dialogue is no excuse for the performances of the actors, who are either overly melodramatic or wooden, with none worse than writer, director, and leading man Tommy Wiseau.

On camera, the long-locked and enigmatic Wiseau appears to be from a different planet, giving the film an extra layer of bizarreness. He was no better as a director, as the film is peppered with badly dubbed scenes, shots out of focus, and questionable music choices.

All of this combines to make a film that completely fails on an artistic level, but succeeds as an unintentionally hilarious piece of entertainment. As a bad movie, it has never been bettered.

Freddie Got Fingered (2001) dir. Tom Green

Louie Bell, Deputy Film&TV Editor

Many moons ago, when an old friend picked Freddie Got Fingered for his movie night choice, he was at a loss to describe this travesty of a film when repeatedly pressed by all of us. All he could summon was: ‘It’s about an American 28 year-old animator who lives at home with his parents trying to get a cartoon made’. Which it is, but it’s so much more. So much worse.

This early-naughties catastrophe was the product of stunt-comedy star Tom Green who had a fairly popular show on MTV, to whom studio executives gave $14 million to go and write, direct and star in his own movie.

What results is 87 minutes of some of the most ridiculous, violent, sadistic, and offensive rubbish that has ever been committed to film. From foetus-swinging to elephant spunk, it’s a mystery anyone in their right mind would green-light such a project.

From foetus-swinging to elephant spunk, it’s a mystery anyone in their right mind would green-light such a project

But there are many who are glad they did. In the years since it was released, the film has amassed a cult following from those who either love it’s ridiculousness, or believe it’s a satirisation of the excess and wealth of Hollywood at the time. Either way, no one can doubt that it is Just. F*cking. Dreadful.

The Hot Chick (2002) dir. Tom Brady

Leah Martindale, Film and TV Editor

Long before I embarked on my degree in Film and Television I had questionable taste at best. Teen comedies were a staple in the development of my personality, and I forgave an innumerable sins in the pursuit of meaning and guidance. One film, however, that has remained as unforgivable to this day as when it first permeated my senses, is The Hot Chick.

To spare you the tragedy of watching it, I will embark back into the cavern of my memories I have stored this trauma for a synopsis: the film centres around a mean-spirited teenage girl who, through the unspecified powers of voodoo earrings, switches bodies with a gross older man.

Mayhem, of course, ensues. It is not just Rob Schneider’s questionable acting as the girl in a woman’s body that makes this film so abhorrent, nor Rachel McAdams’ reprisal of her role as committer of cinema sins - she knows what she did to The Time Traveler’s Wife (2009), and I’ll see her in court. The film perpetuates dreadfully misogynistic views of high school girls, engages in the demonisation of native ‘voodoo’ religions, and is, in truth, just not that funny. All in all, The Hot Chick deserves its ranking as a scarily bad film.

Featured - Getty Images / Marvel Studios 2019

Do you think these films have gotten to harsh a ride? Let us know!