By Fiorenza Dell'Anna, First Year, English and Spanish
One of the most common tropes in university rhetoric is the common saying “you will make friends for life.” This is a sentence which is in equal measure truthful and deceitful in the context of your first-year flatmates.
That is to say that while the trope begins as solely that, it slowly builds to the point that it becomes somewhat of an expectation that is projected upon the first people you meet: your flatmates.
While you undeniably will meet people with whom you will be great friends at university, it may not always be your first-year flatmates.
There are a myriad of reasons for which you may deem your flatmates off-putting, from the mess in shared areas, to the lack of any shared interests, to exclusive behaviours, or my personal favourite, the revolting first-timer cooking experimentations that you are forced to witness for a year.
I must confess that I bought into the optimism of this utopian promise
Guilty of gullibility, I must confess that I bought into the optimism of this utopian promise in first year and was at first disappointed.
I know exactly how frustrating it can be when talking to other people who “got so lucky” and are “best friends” with their whole flat during freshers week. Allow me to guarantee that even in such cases, it is more often than not, merely the honeymoon phase of a flat who are going to (as is normal) have the odd squabble.
I spent the vast majority of my first term at university desperately trying to be the glue that kept my flat together - with very little success. Just like many others, I was driven by the rhetoric that became something of a daunting obligation, in order to have a fulfilling university experience.
I remember halfway through the year complaining to one of my flatmates that I didn’t have anything in common with any of the other people living with us. There was a long pause, then she said, ‘I don’t know why you expected everyone in the flat to be best friends, it’s completely normal that we aren’t’.
Having reasonable expectations of others is essential
This (albeit simplistic) moment made me realise that a completely unrealistic expectation had been forced upon all of us by this rhetoric. That is not to say that one must suffer in silence but having reasonable expectations of others is essential to creating a situation in which you will feel conformable living.
As someone who waited idly for some serendipitous change of circumstances in my first year, I must stress that you will be sorely disappointed if you follow in my footsteps.
While this too is a corny trope, you absolutely must try to join a society to keep yourself sane both in terms of your course and your perhaps disagreeable flatmates. While it takes an immense dose of courage and disregard for the awkwardness of small talk with hundreds of people, it is definitely worthwhile. The same goes for trying to make friends on your course, something which I would highly recommend.
I look back at the oddity of my first year flat and remember it fondly
Irrespective of what is wrong, I can almost guarantee that the situation will improve over time. If you take anything from this article, just remember that you don’t need to be best friends to coexist and have fun in your flat.
Moreover, however odd your experience may be, as Virgil states ‘someday, perhaps, remembering even this will be a pleasure.’ Personally, I look back at the oddity of my first year flat and remember it fondly.
That being said, I am yet to come to terms with the fact that I cannot seem to escape the clutches of people’s bad cooking...
Featured: Epigram / Hannah Worthington
How did you get on with your flat in first year? Let us know.
