By Jannel Jones, Foundation year, Chemistry
As university students, and especially as freshers, a lot of our social life consists of spontaneous hangouts such as clubbing or going to pubs after lectures. This has its uses; we’re already so close to all the good shops and clubs, so why not just go whenever we fancy? However, in the later years of our degree, people get busier as our courses demand more of us. It’s not unheard of to have the university connections we make fade away when the physical proximity of weekly classes ceases, as failure to keep track of relationships and put in the effort to meet up is noted to be the main cause of friendships ending. After graduation, many students report that the connections they form during their university years drift away.
This is why I believe that scheduling play-dates with our friends is more favourable long term. The intention we put into a relationship when we plan a play-date strengthens the quality of our connection with that person. Planning does take the extra effort — it takes time to research the best spots, check the reviews etc., but when we invest time into creating an experience with someone, we will actually enjoy the experience more. This is actually proven: studies that show that when we exert effort into something, we derive greater personal meaning from it. Also, the time you spend organising wouldn’t go to waste, it’s what will make you more likely to sustain the friendship after you’ve moved away. Personally, if someone were to block out time to see me, including transport time, it would increase the value I place on that friendship.
‘Research shows that the brain begins releasing dopamine in anticipation of a future reward, meaning the enjoyment starts the moment you have something to look forward to.’
A common fear of arranging play-dates could be that you don’t know any good spots in the city because you’ve just moved to, or that someone won’t like your idea if they’re given a chance to decline. But in my experience, the people I’ve met at university are always down to try something new. We’re all here to explore a new city, after all! It’s exactly the novelty of a place that makes it the perfect time to explore all that it has to offer. You could watch a theatre production at The Tobacco Factory, see an indie film at Watershed, or take a day trip to Bath. I’m sure that anybody you meet in your classes will be happy to be asked to participate, and will have learned about somewhere new that they can take their other friends to.
Research shows that the brain begins releasing dopamine in anticipation of a future reward, meaning the enjoyment starts the moment you have something to look forward to. So when you schedule a meet-up in your diary and start thinking about it more, it increases those happy, anticipatory feelings. Contrast this with a spontaneous pub invitation after a lecture — there’s less chances for those anticipatory feelings to grow. And, if your efforts pay off and you do have a good time, that spike of dopamine becomes a motivator that increases the likelihood that you’ll meet up again.
This has exceptional long-term benefits. Compare a friendship that was created out of physical proximity, as opposed to one that can stand alone because you created the container for it. A friendship like this is stronger, and can withstand multiple contexts because you’ve allowed it to expand. Essentially, you aren’t just hiking society friends; you have a real support system that will last long after graduation.
Now of course there is room for both, and I believe it’s nice to have a balance. University is already so structured that sometimes, it’s nice to see a nice charity shop, invite someone after a lecture and just go there! That’s what makes the shared, high contact context of university so unique. However, if that’s all that you do and if you rely solely on that to form connections, they may begin to feel shallow.
Juliette Paoli
So, I encourage you to plan a play-date for you and a friend, if you haven’t already. Have a look online at the multitude of things to do in Bristol and bring someone along to explore it with you. It’s these small, intentional acts that compound over time, and your post-graduation self will thank you immensely for it.
Featured image: Epigram / Lucie Guédes-Wright
Have you recently planned a play date for yourself and a friend?
