By Rosa Dunford, First Year Politics and French
Is it embarrassing to have a boyfriend? This question preoccupied social media after British Vogue published an article claiming it was now ‘fundamentally uncool’ to have a boyfriend. Are students heeding this warning and spending Valentine’s Day with friends, or ignoring yet another Tiktok trend?
Chanté Joseph, writer of the viral article, describes noticing how some women are making a conscious effort to hide their partners, in order to protect their image and not be perceived as a boyfriend obsessed ‘loser.’ This sparked an online debate that clearly demonstrates a cultural shift; where it was perhaps once an achievement to be able to hold down a man, Joseph believes a new generation of women are finding it increasingly unenviable. Women are shaping their identity around themselves, not their relationships, and this decentering of men has meant that the status of ‘single’ may now be the chicest of them all.
But what do students think? University is, after all, thought to be a time of self-discovery - a process that can include but is not defined by, relationships. Are students as dismissive of relationships as Chanté Joseph, or do some still harbour a desire for a beau? Epigram spoke to a mixture of students to find out what they really think.
‘It is really upsetting when a gorgeous girl has a rat of a man’ was Immy's verdict, who also noted that “having a boyfriend who adds to your life is fine, but needing them to complete you is embarrassing.”’
Daisy, a second year student, said she finds people become ‘less interesting’ when they get a partner and their relationship status seems to come up all too quickly in conversation. It can be dull when someone's life seems to revolve so heavily around their boyfriend that their Instagram page seems more like a missing person’s advertisement than anything else, but some students believe having a partner is only embarrassing if your partner embarrasses you. ‘It is really upsetting when a gorgeous girl has a rat of a man’ was Immy's verdict, who also noted that ‘having a boyfriend who adds to your life is fine, but needing them to complete you is embarrassing.’ This seems to be the common consensus, that having a boyfriend in and of itself is not embarrassing, but becoming over-reliant on them and prioritising them over your friendships, academic goals and career, is.
Some women are celebrating this new perspective as a welcome relief from the ‘lonely cat-lady’ narrative previously used to belittle unmarried women and enjoying the independence that comes with a single life. However, while not having a man is now ‘cool’, it might be premature to suggest that women can’t focus on themselves while being in a relationship. Laila is a psychology student who met her boyfriend in the first year of university, and she adds, ‘to say having a boyfriend is embarrassing is ridiculous because love is so beautiful.’ This rejection of the black-and-white nature of the embarrassing boyfriend attitude is telling, and some students do come to university with love on their mind. Lots of students are actively seeking a relationship, and a substantial number of students report using Hinge while at university.
A 2023 study found that 57% of Bristol students found a romantic partner at university, and 14% of these students ended up marrying their university partner. It might therefore be hasty to block off all roads to your heart in order to keep up appearances, and as Chanté Joseph concedes, ‘there is no shame in falling in love.’
Male students seem to have less concern for the impact of a partner on their image, and a second year student, Joe, notes that the online discourse surrounding boyfriends risks ‘removing individuality from the issue’ and finding someone you want to go through life with is ‘far from uncool.’
‘Maybe the one size fits all notion of all boyfriends being embarrassing is just as damaging as the assumption that any single woman is a miserable spinster.’
The debate also risks becoming too heteronormative and exclusive to queer couples, who become left out of a debate that chooses to focus only on heterosexual relationships. Maybe the one size fits all notion of all boyfriends being embarrassing is just as damaging as the assumption that any single woman is a miserable spinster.
It is certainly possible to find the ‘grey’ areas of this debate and enjoy the best of both worlds through both deep platonic relationships and romantic connections. Many students, myself included, are planning to spend one of the most romantic days of the year, Valentine’s, with their friends. This phenomenon, known as ‘Galentine’s’ has become an affirmation of the importance of female friendship over male validation.
This year, students such as Daisy and Immy report looking forward to spending the 14th of February watching a movie with friends, rather than a dinner date with a special someone. For students who haven’t yet found their person or simply want to abstain from the festivities this year, why not have a picnic with friends on College Green, or stroll down to the harbour for an aperol spritz? Valentine's Day is not just for romance and sometimes friendship can be a much more rewarding benefit of university.
Charlotte Kerby
Ruby Bodle
For those in a relationship, Valentine's Day can be a stressful time for students struggling to treat their partners while on a budget. Luckily, Bristol has plenty of romantic restaurants with student-friendly prices for those braving a Valentine’s dinner with their significant other. La Panza in Redcliffe is a great date spot that offers Italian classics without breaking the bank, while Muino is good for Spanish-style tapas and an intimate but relaxed vibe in Cotham Hill. Flat Iron also recently opened in Clare Street, which is always a safe option for delicious steaks at a fairly low cost.
Ultimately, there seems to be a variety of different attitudes towards relationships and Valentine’s Day among students. Some prioritise friendship, while others value romantic connection and many move between the two depending on circumstance. Rather than a definitive move away from relationships at university, these responses illustrate a rejection of mindlessly following trends, whether they be old or new. Whatever your plans for Valentine's Day, remember to do something that fills your cup regardless of the latest societal trends, whether that's pouring your energy into academics and friends, or searching for true love.
Featured Image: Epigram / Anna Dodd
What are your plans for Valentine's Day?
