By Zoë Lieberman, Third Year, English Literature
My theory is this: people like to be boxed. We pretend that we don’t. In today’s world of intersectionality and blurred lines, it’s tempting to believe humans are too complex for categories.
But in my honest opinion, I don’t think that’s true. Sure, the individual may fit into many boxes, I can be a student of English Literature and yet be fascinated by science. I can also be a state schooler and be open-minded to the idea of private education. I can be all these things at once.
It’s not that I don’t belong in a box, it’s that I belong in several. This is an important distinction, because as people, it’s fundamental that we have our tribes – those we connect with and those we trust. If we refuse to acknowledge those boxes, we risk missing the beauty of finding those tribes.
Moving to university means exploring a new box, which can quickly generate that invasive and unwelcome feeling of imposter syndrome (a feeling I know all too well). So, as we enter the new academic year, I want to share a mindset that’s helped me open myself up to those who seem, at surface level, entirely different to me.
When I applied to the University of Bristol, I was just as aware of the stereotypes as the next person. In a south London state school, it was daily banter to mock the ‘rah where’s my baccy’ private school type. Why should they get more opportunity than us? Why should they get more encouragement, more extra-curricular, more time and energy invested in their futures than us? It was an attitude which was deeply engrained in me.
But, despite all of this, once I came to Bristol I fell in love with its winding hills, little colourful stores and the hustle and bustle of student life. I was entering a city that I admired and felt ready to embrace, whilst bringing with me my own anxieties, my own principles, and my own past.
I ended up in Churchill for first year, possibly the poshest of university accommodations (though, honestly, the most beautiful). I lived above the car park, and if memory serves me right, there was one girl who used to park her convertible Porsche Boxter underneath my window. At 7pm, I would watch the stream of Deliveroo motorbikes meeting students, who, for the fourth or fifth night in a row had opted for takeaway over the (full transparency - often disgusting) catered dinners.
And let me be clear, this isn’t judgement - though it may sound like it - nor intended to be condescending. I loved the city and wanted to be a part of it. Nothing – including the stereotypes – could deter me from that. But everything felt so different from what I had known for the past 18 years. It was as if all of the rules and social cues I had learnt had been thrown out the window for new ones that I had to quickly and clumsily adapt to.
And it isn’t just state schoolers that feel this way.
I now have friends who are northern, Welsh, and international - from all different backgrounds – and many of them felt that they didn’t fit into what a ‘Bristol student’ looked or talked like. Even the stereotypical Bristol students often feel like they don’t fit in!
‘As a black African student, arriving in Bristol was quite daunting... it was easy to feel like I didn’t belong. But over time, I’ve come to see my background as a strength rather than a barrier,’ says Olivier Luamba, third year Civil Engineering. He shares how his ‘shift in mindset’ was achieved when he embraced his difference, finding joy in sharing his culture through cooking especially, which opened him up to positive experiences and new friendships.
Likewise, when I asked a friend from Leeds about his experience, he declared: ‘honestly, I arrived braced for stuck-up southerners and over-pronounced A’s (Baaath??), but it took all of a week for me to know that I’d found friends for life, from not just the north and south of the UK but from all across the world.’
'the beauty of the mind is this: you can train it to work in a way that benefits you and your happiness'
Whilst I myself refuse to weigh in on the age-old war on the pronunciation of ‘Bath’ (for fear of being cancelled by all my northern friends), I completely understood where he was coming from. We all have our quirks, especially in language, that seem so normal to us until we get exposed to other versions. And dangerously, we learn a hierarchy of these ways.
But who decides which version is ‘right’? Who enforces it? Is it a hierarchy that you want to abide by?
The answer is most often no one. The judgement exists in your own mind, and in the projections of others, but the beauty of the mind is this: you can train it to work in a way that benefits you and your happiness.
Instead of anticipating rejection, start by leading with what makes you different. It takes courage but if you share it, and begin making connections with pride, some of the most beautiful relationships and friendships can grow.
The truth is you’ll never find your people if you see the box as a trap. Try to see it instead as a base - a place of safety and familiarity that you can return to when the stress of so much newness becomes overwhelming.
Julia Masluszczak
Once the box becomes less intimidating, it’s easier to have grace for those in other boxes. You begin to realise that people aren’t bad or ill-intentioned because they stick to what they know, they are just like you, seeking what’s familiar. Overcoming that hurdle of perception is the best thing you can do for yourself as it will allow you to let your guard down and to see others as less intimidating.
So, remember it’s okay to fall back in your box, it’s even healthy. Trust that having your base will allow you to step confidently into the world of university, embracing all the new people, stories and backgrounds that will make it such a magical, memorable experience.
Featured image: Unsplash / Marlon Nartea
Have you experienced imposter syndrome at university?
