By Ruby Bodle, Second year History
The smell of mulled wine in the kitchen, the nostalgic hum of family catching up in the living room – and your phone buzzing with a text from them. As you returned home for the holidays, you may have realised that Christmas came with a new challenge this year: introducing your university relationship to the people you’ve known the longest. What if they don’t get on? What if it all goes awfully? What if you’re forbidden from ever seeing them again?
This article is the answer to all these problems, with helpful tips and tricks for a smooth-sailing introduction, and what to do if it doesn’t go how you planned.
Firstly, remember to stay calm and do your best not to overthink it. Most likely, your parents and your partner just want you to be happy and will probably be a little nervous themselves. You don’t need to go mad cleaning the whole house top-to-bottom or worsen your partner’s nerves by making the occasion a bigger deal than it needs to be. Just remember to relax, enjoy it and understand that this is a nice problem to have – if you’ve found someone you are comfortable enough with to bring home to your family, you’re on the right track!
Secondly, it can be a good idea to prepare both parties. All families have their quirks, and it may help if you tell your partner in advance about your dad’s tendency to interrogate, or your mum’s insistence on cooking a five-course meal for the first introduction. This can help ease your partner into the family dynamic and ensure they’re well prepared, whilst keeping things calm – make sure you don’t overwhelm them with information or instructions on how to behave! You can also talk to your family before – tell them what your partner is like and how they could be made more comfortable in settling in. This could also be useful in finding common ground between your partner and your parents – have they got any similar interests you could broach to help bridge the gap? It is up to you to lead the conversation and help to build links, which can make the whole process a lot easier.
A good location is key – you don’t want to make the introduction too intimidating, so think carefully about whether a restaurant dinner, an at-home meal or a casual coffee would be best for the type of meet you want to have. Maybe you and your partner could cook a meal for the family together, or you could find an activity everyone would enjoy to help break the ice.
The most important thing is to understand your personal situation and the people in your life – how does your partner normally respond to situations where they must meet new people? How do your parents? What would suit them best? You know your partner, and you know your family, so trust in yourself know the best way of handling the situation. There is no recipe book to guarantee a perfect meeting every single time and with every single person, but as long as you apply these tips to your own life and the personalities you know, you should be on the right lines.
Now, what do you do if it doesn’t go to plan? Were there any misunderstandings or long, awkward silences? Chances are there’s an aspect of the occasion that could have gone better, and that’s okay!
The first thing to do is not overreact or panic. First meetings can be a little awkward, so it isn’t the end of the world. Parents get nervous, partners get nervous, and you get nervous – the awkwardness is just a sign that everyone cares. You definitely don’t want to blame or stress out your partner, who could be taking it worse than you. Remember that it takes time to build a relationship, and you can’t force people to hit it off straight away.
If something specific went off-track, a small gesture can go a long way to smooth things over. Perhaps a ‘thank you for having me’ message from your partner, or a mention to your family that your partner was nervous and wanted to make a good impression, can help to recontextualise the occasion and end things on a better note.
Matthew Jones
Sofia Athena Roberts
It might be a good idea to try to organise another meeting to allow your partner and your family to build a rapport over multiple meetups. Families often need time to adjust to new dynamics, and a second meeting in a calmer setting might go much better, so letting some time pass and then giving it another go could be the solution.
The most important thing to remember is that this singular meetup doesn’t define your relationship – be kind to yourself and your partner and understand that okay if sparks aren’t flying at the first meet. In the end, introducing your university relationship to your family is only one step in a bigger journey - so take a breath, trust yourself and let things unfold naturally. And if all else fails, remember that even the most chaotic Christmas introductions will eventually turn into great stories!
Featured Image: Epigram | Charlotte Kerby
