By Beth Nugent, Third Year, Film and Television
In late October, Vogue released an article that captured the world's attention, ‘Is having a boyfriend embarrassing?’. The article was focused on the idea that in current times, women have de-centred men from their lives, and we are now coveting single women who are free to do whatever they want, when they want, without the old ball and chain. But is that actually true, or are we so desperate to prove ourselves as true feminists that we’ve manufactured a trend to confirm our desire to de-centre men?
It’s true that the word ‘boyfriend’ is becoming less and less common; instead, people are forgoing the age-old term for something more modern, like ‘exclusive talking stage 'situationship', but we’ve said I love you’ - which makes you squint and tilt your head a little as you try to figure out the difference between that and a boyfriend. Even still, it reaffirms this idea that even uttering the word boyfriend can make you seem less cool. As a result, people in love will try to find the most obscure workarounds to avoid having to admit they actually have one. Of course, there is a deeper layer to this; fear of intimacy and commitment can be the driving force in delaying labelling a relationship, but I think the ‘having a boyfriend is embarrassing’ rhetoric is present in these circumstances as well.
This phenomenon is highlighted on social media, with the rise of the soft launch. Whether it’s an unidentifiable face behind a bouquet, a hand on a coffee cup or a shadow, it truly feels like more and more people cannot bring themselves to share that they've lost their single status. The Vogue article discusses the idea that many influencers have lost hundreds of followers as soon as they ‘hard launch’ their boyfriends, and some even had people begging in their comment section for them to remain single. Often as single people themselves, these people don’t want content on their feed that is simply unrelatable, or perhaps reminds them how lonely they are.
If it’s the single people who are driving the narrative that having a boyfriend is uncool, you might be inclined to see the phenomena as a product of resentment. However, this would be incorrect. A lot of the time, voices declaring the boyfriend as obsolete raise important points. Part of the student experience is listening to your friends as they cry over boys who don’t deserve their tears and help them get back on their feet for their revenge era, though it soon becomes clear that some boyfriends or boyfriend adjacents are just bad people. I’ve listened to countless stories from my friends about the so-called loves of their lives, and in my head, I’m genuinely questioning how these people roam the streets and aren’t in a max security prison with the things they do or say. The trend reflects a collective social awakening that most boyfriends actually suck, and it’s no longer cool to have someone like that dragging you down and not letting you wear certain things, or go out to Daisy’s on a Wednesday night.
It’s also true, now more than ever, that female friendships are fulfilling in a way that men can no longer match. The emotional depth, support and encouragement are just harder to find in a male partner these days, as stated above. In addition to this, the necessity to have a boyfriend is no longer prevalent in modern society; we don’t actually need a male partner to open a bank account, support us or to get people to take us seriously, we can get by perfectly fine without them. This means that men have to learn how to be a good partner so women actually want them.
'As we sit on the horizon of fifth-wave feminism, the attempt to decentre men from our lives is working, but we also must acknowledge that the intrinsic need and desire to be loved isn’t going away anytime soon.'
Chante Jones touches on this in the original article; mentioning that freedom is what women crave at the moment, and anything that’s holding them back is essentially anti-feminist and embarrassing. I do think a lot of people crave that freedom, but I’d argue not as much as people still crave love. We can try to deny it all we want, but having a boyfriend in the modern world is a type of currency, because if you find one that isn’t controlling, rude, a wet wipe etc… you’ve hit the gold mine, you’ve won, and no amount of single bragging will beat that.
Grace Rose
What I think the Vogue article really uncovered was the fact that society is no longer tolerant of women letting their boyfriends treat them poorly, and that is the embarrassing part. As we sit on the horizon of fifth-wave feminism, the attempt to decentre men from our lives is working, but we also must acknowledge that the intrinsic need and desire to be loved isn’t going away anytime soon. So no, having a boyfriend isn’t embarrassing, but maybe that 6-month, situationship talking stage that he doesn’t want to label is.
Featured Image: Epigram / Amelie Patel
Do you think having a boyfriend is embarassing?
