English prof. admits he's "a regular Sparknotes user"

An English lecturer at the University of Bristol has admitted to using Sparknotes on a regular basis.

Disclaimer: The Editors of Epigram would like to point out that this artile is satirical

Student Lillian McHale leaked several emails on Monday, in which the academic confessed to using the website, as well as several other “cheat-sites” to aid research.

The lecturer cannot be named for legal reasons.

Epigram / Lillian McHale

Lillian was apparently “sickened to the core”, and immediately emailed her Head of Department.

“I can’t believe he just came right out and admitted it,” Lillian said. “As if it’s something to brag about. It was so creepy hearing it from someone in a position of authority, saying that he regularly uses Sparknotes. I’m morally outraged.”

“I don’t want to pay £9000 for an education which I could’ve got from Sparknotes for free!”

In 2007, Sparknotes was blacklisted by the government as one of the most harmful websites to academic integrity and moral fibre.

A spokesperson from the University responded to claims of “pathetic recruiting strategies”. In a statement, they said: “The University does its utmost to provide students with a first-class education. Sparknotes is an insult to academia, and only the most pea-brained numbnut would ever consider using it as an educational resource.”

“Questions about how this happened need to be asked, and our students deserve answers.”

Students are now calling for an inquiry into the number of academics using Sparknotes.

The disgraced lecturer has been suspended and will appear before the Academic Board of Ethics on Monday.

Lillian’s meeting has been cancelled, though she said she would have “enjoyed a glass of M&S vino as a change from the usual Tesco’s pignot”.

(Disclaimer: all events described in this article are fictitious. As far as I know, no English lecturers have been caught using Sparknotes yet).

Featured image: Flickr / kwantakoon