Anna Lezard shares a heartfelt excerpt into her troubled relationship with Ryanair.
We’ve had a relationship on and off for a long time now, but I’m worried you don’t care about it as much as I do.
You don’t seem to put any effort into our time together – it seems like every time we see each other all you greet me with is delays and disorganisation.
There comes a point where the relationship hang-ups must be discussed
I’ve always put up with your lack of leg room, but there comes a time when all your little irritating procedures become too much. I roll my eyes every time you play that cheery little jingle after landing a torturous 6am flight, but you haven’t picked up on it.
I feel like I put up with a lot – waking up at 3am to make a flight, being forced to stand out in the cold while everyone is asked to display their ticket on boarding the plane (even though no other airline does this). There comes a point where the relationship hang-ups must be discussed.
I fell in love with you because of your low prices
I fell in love with you because of your low prices, but you continue to test me when the only prices you have that are low are at 6am.
Last time we saw each other it was at that time, and to make sure I remained rational I bought a soothing cup of tea. You, however, put your own needs above mine and told me I couldn’t come on the plane until I’d finished my tea.
I just can’t help but think you don’t care about my feelings any more.
I know I haven’t been perfect; I don’t always smile as cheerily back at your staff when they greet me
I know I haven’t been perfect; I don’t always smile as cheerily back at your staff when they greet me. Maybe I’m asking too much of you as a budget airline. But I think I already took on a lot more than I wanted out of the relationship when you forced me to share our time with Stansted airport.
The smattering of applause and wheezing fanfare upon landing…an agonising reminder that I’m nothing more than a budget-flying prole…
— Ed Grimble (@Ed_Grimble) January 14, 2017
As much as I love you, Ryanair, I just can’t stand that I only ever see you with that awful Stansted. While I wait for our visit I’m forced to sit in a zoo of people without even finding haven in any of the crowded and pricey restaurants.