This week, Aunt Aggie offers advice to an orgasm addict who wants some help.
Dear Aunt Aggie,
I’m just going to spill it all out: over the past year I’ve become addicted to watching pornography. Whenever I’m bored and have a moment to spare, I go into my bedroom, flip open my laptop and watch hard-core sex.
I’ve not spoken to any of my friends about this. I think they would just take the piss and think I’m weird. But it’s becoming such a problem that’s having a seriously detrimental impact on my life. I feel like my happiness is at stake, and if I don’t sort it out I’ll never be able to live a normal life, to have a romantic relationship with someone.
I don’t even enjoy watching it anymore. I can’t help it though.
I’m not going to beat about the bush here: this is a serious health problem. According to scientists, it’s similar to a heroin addiction and should be treated with the same legitimacy. Obviously, though, it’s important to recognise that it’s not, like, the same. Think how different ‘Trainspotting’ would’ve been if it had been about a bunch of palm jockeys!
Porn is an incredibly powerful sedative that lulls you into a false sense of happiness. An ex-boyfriend was into porn, in a very big way. He was actually a porn star, ‘Titus Anulingus’ (for a while he also went by ‘Albert Cumus’). It was the 70s, and there was a lot of avant-garde pornography being filmed. But no matter how hard he tried to bring a bit of class to the industry, his attempts to elevate porn to a higher art form ultimately failed. ‘Society just isn’t ready for intelligent porn, Aggie,’ he sobbed to me once, as he tugged one off to Dali’s Un Chien Andalou.
I advise you tell someone you’re close to, who will understand your pain and offer their support. As embarrassing as it sounds, it’s not an affliction that should be made light of. Confronting it with humour, however, is a good idea. If you can joke about it with someone close, the guilt and disgust you experience will become more bearable.
Curtail your porn-watching gradually. If you stop too soon, you’ll only fall back into bad habits. Once you start cutting down, you’ll see your life drastically improve. It won’t be easy, but it is possible. Leave your laptop out of reach when you get in, switch off your phone, and make it as difficult as possible for yourself to access porn.
At the end of the day, everyone’s a wanker. Wanking – like the passage of time, or the inevitable realisation that life is inherently meaningless – is inevitable. Hell, even good old Martin Luther King bust a nut every now and then.
Gradually, though, you will be able to return to normality. But only if you make gradual, positive changes.
All the best, my darling,
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